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Saturday, 7 January 2017

beauty & the beast

my all-time favourite disney. I don’t care what people say about walt disney and his misogynistic undertones. 

lennon wisdom

a: the river styx. it’s so...

c: polluted. for thousands of years, humans have been throwing in everything we come across – hopes, dreams, wishes that never come true. irresponsible waste management, if you ask me. 

....


a: do you really believe that we need to have our hearts ripped out?

c: a flower can’t grow without rain.

a: too much rain and it drowns.

c: and the most beautiful of the lotus flowers are the ones that grow in the deepest mud.

a: *snorts* (coz i’m ladylike that way) you’re not going to let me win this one, are you?

c: there’s nothing to win. as john lennon once said, “life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” it's messy and heartbreaking, but at the same time, it’s a thrill ride. 

“i meant no disrespect.”

actions are far more important to me than words that profess intent, as those actions, more oft than not, betray your real heart.

the greatest way to live with honor in this world is to actually be what we pretend to be. let others laugh and mock those of us they perceive beneath them, but remember, honor lies inside our hearts and it is that which makes us act with mercy and compassion against those who have most wronged us. 

Thursday, 5 January 2017

time moves on, people do not

“when i think about the way people can be, i rasa i get upset because i naturally assume that you’re not stupid; and when you prove me wrong, i get very confused. to compute it causes cognitive dissonance. when people don’t match the respect i afford them.” 

the toothbrush

that little clench of the heart 
at an appearance or absence 
of a toothbrush in your bathroom. 

Friday, 30 December 2016

repeat

look at you, look at you
look what you made me do
how do you, how do you
figure my every move
who are you? who are you?
you look so familiar
i know you, i know you, 
baby, i know the truth 

we've got way too much in common
if i'm being honest with you 
we've got way too much in common 
since i'm being honest with you 

who wants to love somebody like me
you want to love somebody like me 
if you could love somebody like me
you must be messed up too

we used to talk til midnight
all those days that you stayed at my house
we were just passing the time 
when we were young and we ain't had no vows
now, now, now, maybe later on i'll text you 
and maybe you'll reply 
we both know we had no patience
together day and night


a message at dusk from her to me

i wasn't planning on saying anything 
but maybe it's maghrib setan or maybe it's love - 
you know the value of your own company 
so i don't know why you're spending it 
on people who only deplete you.

make new mistakes or none. but don't relearn old ones. 

that's what popped up in my head after hearing the name s
what prompted me to tell you is the memory of 
what i had to see done to you after 
that s thought to think only of himself. 
i know you haven't forgotten. 
involuntarily replaying it pisses me off. 

i don't know why people want so much of you 
for themselves. 
time and again. 

that's never how it should be and i know the one 
who deserves you will never think that at all. 

and you already know, people cannot be changed. 

forgive me for my lecture. 

Thursday, 20 November 2014

black and blue for you

i feel it again;
the temptation to tell the truth: 
that i'm not sound at all,
but feel like one ginormous bruise,
from my thin skin
to my wounded heart.

Saturday, 31 August 2013

(lost) memories

i had wanted to watch the conjuring (not worthy of further mention) when it came out. then, i changed my mind because i knew the havoc my (over active) imagination will wreak on me all too well. 


some time later, my girlfriend asked me to watch it with her and after some internal debate, i agreed. we were having some smokes outside the cineplex before the film started when she asked if i was her #1 girl. 

i thought it was an odd question and i flippantly said 'no'. she was hurt and threw a tiny tantrum (sorta). after i apologized and soothed her ruffled feathers, i wondered aloud - what does it matter, really? i love you. after all, here i am, bone-weary after an exhausting day at work, and agreeing to watch a horror film at 1-bloody-am for you.  


the conversation continued and i told her (and I say this with utmost humility) that i have had and continue to have the great privilege and responsibility of being loved by a number of people. it might seem great, and i do feel blessed, but she must also understand that the more people who love you, the more the number of people you have out there to lose memories of you


it's not as desperate as it sounds. oscar wilde said that 'memory is the diary we all carry about with us'. people don't intend to lose memories. although there are some things that we would rather forget. 

it could be that the real sound of my laughter 

has been replaced by a new memory; 

or that my scent left my bedroom and my clothes
after some period of disuse; 

the scent that people associate me with, 

that they try so hard to remember, is altered. 

you can't hold on to all things forever, 
no matter how hard you grip them. 


our memories are very precious things to have. we can hug, kiss, laugh, and cry with them over and over again in our minds. 

smells of lost lovers: sweet perfumes and aftershaves, the scent of sleepy morning lie-ins or simply the inexplicable individual scent left behind in a room. personal smells as precious as the people themselves. 

(serves me right that i had a dream about #a that night -- in it, i saw the memory of my smile, my laugh, and me scrunching up my nose, leaving his thoughts. in the dream, he was forgetting me memory by memory. i woke up with tears streaming down my face, panicked and made a list of memories; and realized how futile and completely useless the exercise was.


don't ever forget me, please
anyhows -- off to my favorite resto slash bar in bangsar; with my baby sis and her maarten in tow -- but before that, check this out as i think it's quite cool - your lost memories; a virtual lost & found super 8mm office. toodles xx