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Sunday, 14 May 2017

standby

nobody catches the corner of my eye the way he does
although in truth i can't help but keep him front and center
giving in so soon, so quickly, feels like a foolhardy fallacy
but there's no right and left with this one
my sense of direction has brought me to a heart that feels like my own
his arms, wrapped around me, feels like home. 

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

memoria

these dreaming desires
are such folly, 
the glass was emptied
long ago. 
that bouquet still lingers 
strong ago. 
it's like trying to fly 
without wings, 
those sea-touching warm nights. 
do you suffer this 
distancing stress? 
i cannot to my quietness go 
in tranquility, 
there is no measure on its 
timeless fingers, 
it's all getting further away
towards me. 
is it circular? 

Thursday, 13 April 2017

simplicity

"things aren't as simple as you make them." 

things are rarely as simple or as complicated as anyone makes them. 

it isn't my choice

" i just want to say this so i can get it out of the way, so it doesn't keep distracting me. i really like the way you look." 

thanks, i'm okay with it myself most of the time. 

conversation: a house full of women

s: come on! get ready for your date already!
f: i think you should wear your blue sweater, s thinks the white blouse that ties in the back, and j thinks the green dress. 

me: the green dress isn't really a thing for a quick evening meeting. 

j: but you look so pretty in it. 
f: she should save it, for when he takes her out to dinner. 

me: it's coffee. it's only coffee at a little cafe. 

f: excuse me? tonight you represent every dateless woman in this house. you are our shining hope. 

me: oh, god. 

j: no pressure. 

black sweater and jeans. but i did put on a pair of earrings. and redid my makeup.  

tits and food

bought lingerie and plates today. 

sends photo of self in new lingerie; 
and photo of plates set out, 
to the best friend. 

she replies with: 
tits look good
food looks good. 

this is why a woman needs a best friend.

Friday, 31 March 2017

more on foolishness

"it's foolish to trust people too much. you'll be hurt if you do." 


if you don't trust, you'll never be disappointed by someone. but you will also cheat yourself of the chance to ever be completely happy. 



i want to be happy with you. but i need you to be happy with me, too. 


defense mechanisms

we would never suit. you're disenchanted with life., but i'm not. i love life, even when bad things happen to me, i can't stop loving it. every day comes with a promise that something wonderful is going to happen to me. when it's cold, the promise comes with the smell of rain in the air. i hear it in the boom of thunder and the lightning that streaks across the sky in blue flashes. most of all, i feel it after the rain, when everything is green and black, like tree trunks when they're wet. 

you think that i'm foolish. 

and this is why we won't suit. you'll make me as unhappy as you are -- and if you're unhappy, i'll undoubtedly retaliate by making you unhappy, and in a few years, we'll both be as sour as lemons. 

so it's best if we don't go down this road? 

sunday drafts: i'm a hoarder...

not of things, but of emotions. and then, once in awhile, i get a yen for cleaning, and somehow or other, i always end up a mess. i go through emails, photos, messages. and for fucks sake, this morning i woke up a little too early, chastised a little too soon, so i decided to do a purge. opened my inbox and ... decided to organize my storage space. came across emails from aaa. having moved on, and reading with an objective eye (or so i thought), i reopened each one. and i felt for these two people - so much love, so much hurt, so much growing up - and pride, so much pride. six years has gone by, and i can only hope that the both of us learned from each other to be better versions of ourselves, and to be kinder to the person we're with. 

no one can hurt as deeply as a loved one. 

speaking of; currently, why is there a predisposed innate need to hurt when you're hurt? as some kind of defense mechanism? people purport it to be ego. and having delved on the subject and given it much thought, i tend to disagree. it isn't ego as much as it is a shield. why can't loving and being loved be a straightforward affair? why muck it up with... the world? i guess that's why it's easier to love and be loved when you're young. love then, tends to be all consuming. is it too much now, after having gained years and wisdom, to want love to be a safe haven? to encapsulate instead of consume?

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

stubb in moby dick

i know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, i'll go to it laughing.