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Friday, 31 March 2017

sunday drafts: i'm a hoarder...

not of things, but of emotions. and then, once in awhile, i get a yen for cleaning, and somehow or other, i always end up a mess. i go through emails, photos, messages. and for fucks sake, this morning i woke up a little too early, chastised a little too soon, so i decided to do a purge. opened my inbox and ... decided to organize my storage space. came across emails from aaa. having moved on, and reading with an objective eye (or so i thought), i reopened each one. and i felt for these two people - so much love, so much hurt, so much growing up - and pride, so much pride. six years has gone by, and i can only hope that the both of us learned from each other to be better versions of ourselves, and to be kinder to the person we're with. 

no one can hurt as deeply as a loved one. 

speaking of; currently, why is there a predisposed innate need to hurt when you're hurt? as some kind of defense mechanism? people purport it to be ego. and having delved on the subject and given it much thought, i tend to disagree. it isn't ego as much as it is a shield. why can't loving and being loved be a straightforward affair? why muck it up with... the world? i guess that's why it's easier to love and be loved when you're young. love then, tends to be all consuming. is it too much now, after having gained years and wisdom, to want love to be a safe haven? to encapsulate instead of consume?

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