i didn't know how to explain it.
after him, all i wanted was to disappear.
that he was the only person i could disappear into.
and then suddenly i would want to let it all come spilling out,
but when i think of saying his name, i freeze up.
if i try to tell them, they'd want to know what happened,
and i wouldn't know what to say.
they'd feel bad for me, and when you are guilty,
there is nothing worse than pity.
it just makes you feel guiltier.
there was something between me and the world right then.
i saw it like a big sheet of glass, too thick to break through.
i could make new friends, but they could never know me,
not really, because they could never know him, a person i love.
i would have to be okay standing on the other side
of something too big to break through.